Working safely as a dominatrix

The Montreal domination scene is fairly small but more and more “dommes” are entering the business. In fact, there are escort agencies that, for an additional fee, offer domination with the sex act. However, domination usually doesn’t include sexual contact or very little. To know more about domination, read the glossary in this chapter that explains the commonly used terms in the milieu, as well as the various services a dominatrix could offer. We don’t advise you to choose this career simply because it pays well; you must also have an interest in BDSM (bondage-domination-sadomasochism), a strong and creative personality, a good capacity for demonstrating that you are in control, communication skills and the ability to listen. Getting into the business you should be very aware that there will be demanding and exacting moments. Domination is related to fantasies, desires and sexual impulses that can be completely different from one client to another. That is why, before starting, before deciding that this trade is for you, you should learn about the different services offered and how they are done. Read up on BDSM; visit on-line forums about domination and question people already in the business. You can learn a great deal reading but theory never replaces practice. Once you really understand the particularities of the trade, ask yourself if this milieu respects your personal values and limits. You can decide to refuse certain services requested by clients but, if you work in a dungeon, not every place will let you refuse a client or choose which services you wish to offer.

Where to work
As a dominatrix, a “domme”, you have possibilities for self-employment in various forms. You can receive either at home or in a rented space, you can do out-calls, work in a dungeon or offer on-line domination. You can also be an employee in a dungeon. To work as an independent, you have to be organized and have a budget. It is not always lucrative and some dommes have two jobs to cover their expenses. You must develop visibility on the Internet, build a network, and be active on the forums. In a word, you must stand out by the strength of your personality. To find a dungeon that offers good working conditions; here are things you should look for:

• The dungeon should be clean, have good vibes, be well decorated and, above all, it should provide a lot of equipment to work with (especially if you aren’t equipped).
• The location should be accessible by public transportation and by car.
• The dungeon should allow you freedom to choose the kind of sessions that you wish to offer and not put pressure on you to offer services that go beyond your limits.
• Getting along well with the staff and the manager is also important.
• Every dungeon has its rules and you must respect them. Make inquiries about the rules at every place you visit. Sexual services are rarely acceptable in dungeons; offering them in secret can get you fired.

Your safety
Safety is of utmost importance in this milieu. Learning to inflict pain without hurting the client is taken very seriously. Typically, a dominatrix who’s just starting out should always have someone who knows the milieu as a guide. It takes someone with experience to introduce you to the different techniques of domination and how to use the equipment (yes, you can learn it from books, but there is nothing like hands-on experience).

Since every domme has her own unique style, you may try working with two or three different persons before finding the one with whom you “share chemistry”, and from whom you’ll want to learn. It is important to remember that, if a client is hurt during a session, you are responsible.

This explains why there are well-defined safety rules:
•Before a session, by precaution, you should discuss the state of your client’s health with him.
•Before a session, you must decide with the client on a key word (ex: “red”) that he can use as a signal if the pain exceeds his limits.
•During a session, you should pay attention for signs of real pain.
•Never leave a client alone, without supervision, during an activity that represents a danger for him (ex: a difficult position, suffocation).

For your personal protection, you should have the possibility to refuse a client or a request at any time. Always let a friend, a colleague or someone you trust know about your appointment and at what time you will finish. This person should wait for your call at the end of the session. You can also ask your client for references and verify them with other dommes in the milieu.

Your Health
If you work for an escort agency and you offer sexual services, read carefully all the health tips in this magazine to be sure that your practices are healthy for you and your clients. Generally, domination doesn’t involve sexual services but there are possible risks for transmission of HIV and SSTIs (blood-borne and sexually transmitted infections), especially for the client if a session is “hard” or involves surgical accessories that may cause body lesions (cuts). A domme doesn’t touch a penis directly with her hands but, more likely, with an object (ex: high heels, whips); the only physical contact will be with her feet.

Activities that present a risk:
• All activities related to blood and sexual contact carry a risk of transmitting HIV, SSTIs and blood-borne pathogens. Certain dommes will let their slaves masturbate and even cum; be careful during ejaculation to make sure you don’t get any in your eyes or on open wounds (because blood could be present in the ejaculatory liquids).
• Activities related to urine carry similar risks, especially if there is blood in the urine. It’s better not to urinate in the mouth, in the eyes or on a wound if you have had unprotected sex.
• Any activity related to fecal matter can be risky for contracting hepatitis A and bacterial infections. If there is blood in the fecal matter, it can be risky for the transmission of HIV, bacterial infections and hepatitis A, B and C. Note: to prevent hepatitis A and B, get vaccinated against them.
• If you sit on a client’s face (even with panties on), there is a risk of SSTI transmission, especially of herpes if your client has a cold sore, but less risk of HIV transmission.